If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Who died my cat blue again?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
