i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
