pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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