we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
