Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
