If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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