I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
