these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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