I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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