If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize