i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
