i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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