I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
