Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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