So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
