yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
