My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
