Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize