I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
