Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Randomize
