I need to stop coming to work sober
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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