I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
