On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
