I smell stomach acid.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
vagina is talking i cant
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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