Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
