i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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