I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
