I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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