Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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