I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
