Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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