btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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