i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
