I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
