Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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