Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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