Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
