Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
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I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
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YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
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