Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
