You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
