I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
