she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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