Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I still have a little drunk in my system
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
