There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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