You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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