you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
