fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
