so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Holy sore nipples Batman
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
