I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
