DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
