i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize