that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Randomize
