watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
