maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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