But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
