obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
