every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
