i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
He has the fingertips of a God
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
