Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
It's blow job season.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
