Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
