her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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