But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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