why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
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you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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