The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
