I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
