What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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