I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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