i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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