your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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